#44 How A Marriage Ends – A Listener Story

Sporadically, he would ask me a question, but even on those rare occasions he would interrupt to insert his own thoughts on the matter before I had spoken a few sentences. The thing I found heartbreaking was that he was genuinely interested in being in a relationship. He expressed how much he wanted companionship and how he was ready to commit for the long-term. But his focus remained almost solely on his own wants and needs. Somehow, the experience seemed very clinical. I was a part of his goal rather than an actual person with thoughts, feelings, and ambitions of my own. After we finished our drinks, I thanked him for his offer to get some dinner but declined. We bid each other farewell.

17 Subtle Signs You’re a Poor Listener, According to Experts

I’ve never needed a psychiatrist. When I poured out my troubles, you listened. When I ranted and raved, you listened. Thank you, my angel, for listening.

These are clues you’re not a good listener, plus tips on how to become a good listener and improve your listening skills. Dating MemesDating QuotesDating.

It makes me feel safe and at ease. This is a big one for me. Connecting one-on-one is much more meaningful than being a crowd pleaser. A huge part of attraction for me comes down to my comfort level with a guy. Beyond surface interests and small talk, I want to know what makes them tick, what scares them, and all the things they are passionate about.

I want someone who shows the same fascination with learning about the real me. It shows me he cares about what I have to say. It makes you feel vulnerable, appreciated, and special. Conversation compatibility is what matters most. Yes, of course there needs to be a base level of physical attraction between partners, but even surface-level chemistry is more complex than just that.

Listening to each other intently makes it about more than sex, but it also makes sex so much better. I need an established connection before I even want to get physical.

Are You a Good Listener?

Today on The Bad Girls Bible Podcast we are joined by small-town girl, Jenny, who shares with us about growing up in a poor family with parents who did not always get along, moving around frequently and how she and her husband first met. Jenny talks about their secret relationship, moving in together, how he convinced her to get married after all and the challenges of raising their kids together. The unexpected death of a loved one caused a massive rift in their relationship, however, and her life started slowly spiraling out of control.

Not being able to openly mourn her loss, Jenny went into a major depression during which she behaved in erratic ways that threatened her life and that brought even greater discord in her marriage. She tells of the regrets she has, how she has learned to cope with her loss and what she advises every listener to hold onto in such difficult circumstances. He just kind of wrote me off already.

Do you have a date when it will be finished?’” Show concern. Calling out the bad behavior of a colleague is generally fraught. But it can be done if.

Opening your heart to your spouse—and nurturing theirs—requires listening well. With so many different issues, obligations, devices, and people pulling at us from every direction, it can be difficult to slow down and truly listen to one another. Sometimes, you might want to tune out and lose yourself in your favorite pastime instead—or dive into the list of to-do items you still need to cross off before the day is over. For you, it gives you a window into their world and their perspective.

Maybe your spouse needs to vent about work, and normally, you tune out when they start talking about their tough day or their challenging project. Instead of switching your mind off while they talk, try to see the events of the day through their eyes, and in the context of your life. Have you been dealing with problems at home, like financial issues, trouble with the kids, or taking care of an ailing parent?

In that case, you might respond to your spouse in a totally inappropriate way in your attempt to alleviate the difficult emotions that come up for you. Instead, take a minute to listen for what your spouse might be feeling.

Couples Rx: How to improve a man’s listening skills

In the first few months of our relationship we often went to dinner at the same French restaurant in the West Village, where it was quiet and the waiters left us alone. One night I was talking about my parents and how they’d managed to hide the acrimonious parts of their divorce. She listened for a long time and then she told me a story about her father, about how furious he’d been after her mother left him for another man.

She was 9, and she and her little brother had been left to live with their father in rural Connecticut. Her father forced her to go duck hunting with him at dawn on Sunday mornings.

For a dating coach, I’m a pretty bad listener. It’s embarrassing to admit but since my whole shtick is about truth, here’s the truth: All too often, I’d rather talk than.

There are so many incredibly simple things in life that we unnecessarily complicate; listening is one of them. More specifically, there are 5 ways that listeners unintentionally taint conversations that have the potential to be so connective. If someone you’re talking to does any of these listening no-no’s, you know it’s more than just annoying. Bad listening can make the person who’s actually trying to connect feel more isolated than when they started talking, in addition to newly peeved.

Lets start with the 1 most obvious sign of a bad listener:. The classic example of judging is any version of, What were you thinking? The runner up example is, Why wouldn’t you just People don’t always make the best choices in real time, and when someone is sharing a story about something that upset them, chances are they regret some or all of what happened. Judging is like hitting an eject button on connection during a conversation.

C’mon, it couldn’t have been that bad You’re making it sound worse than it was It was just a joke, take it easy. It might not sound so bad to the listener, but they’re a different person who is sensitive to different things. When our hot buttons are pressed and we’re sharing that with someone, the last thing we want to hear about is how we shouldn’t have hot buttons in the first place.

Is He A Bad Listener? Here’s Why That’s A Major Deal-breaker

Whether your colleagues interrupt you, ramble on, or seem distracted, the impact is the same: you feel ignored and the chances for misunderstandings — and mistakes — rise. There are, however, ways you can encourage your colleagues to listen better. First, consider their work styles. Ask them how they like to receive information.

Some people are visual; others are verbal.

With text messages vibrating, news alerts popping up, and constant feeds of content, it’s harder than ever to have a distraction-free conversation. But technology.

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Diary of a Poor Listener

You’re talking and talking — and he’s sitting there, tuning out. Is there any way to make things better? Absolutely, say therapists: While men’s communication style can be different than women’s, people who are “bad listeners” can also learn to be more engaged.

the best you can do is try to refocus his attention. a simple “did you hear what i said?” might help. if not leave him a note or something, saying how you feel when he doesn’t listen. maybe reading it will help him see how important it is to you.

Body language and unspoken attraction are exciting at the start of a relationship. But as you can probably imagine, those traits do not make for a healthy, lifelong partnership. One of the main reasons couples divorce is because they lost the ability or never had the skills to communicate with one another. Poor listening skills lead to the breakdown in communication in a marriage. Here’s how to be a more effective and giving listener. Let your spouse finish what they are saying.

If this is a problem and you interrupt a lot, find some way to remind yourself to keep quiet. Some people put their chin in their hand as a sign to themselves to not speak until their mate is finished talking. Don’t judge. Jumping to conclusions or looking for the right or wrong in what is being said prevents you from listening.

Listener Comic Strips

Read along for some eye-opening revelations and advice on how to correct these damaging behaviors:. A lot of this inability to see from your partner’s point of view stems from a failure to listen. And since listening will make your partner feel heard, it’s definitely a habit worth working on. So, take the time to do it. It’s crucial “to clarify, rather than assume the other person knows what you know, sees what you see, has heard what you’ve heard,” says Ellis.

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I never feel as though my husband truly listens to me. Thank you for asking such a good question! Your concern is shared by thousands of other couples. Notice that James not only tells us to be quick to listen and slow to speak, but he also ties these in with the emotion of anger. Anger certainly hinders the listening process. When we are slow to speak and quick to listen, we are less likely to become angry.

Wholesome listening is part and parcel of a healthy marriage. Developing listening skills can be something that will move a troubled marriage to being healthy and vibrant. Be slow to speak, quick to listen. You need to really slow down to listen well. Pay close attention to what your mate is saying. Be curious. Curiosity is an overlooked skill.

Why Internet Dating is Bad